Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
