That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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