It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
