when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
