May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
