I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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