it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
