I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
