i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize