people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
