Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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