So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
