I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
