Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
