He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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