yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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