It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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