Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
