my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
