Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
