All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
