I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
