Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
