Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
cat food counts as protein by the way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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