His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
