we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
