I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
