duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
