It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
