The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
