I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love you. Go after that dick
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
