I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
