I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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