i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
