Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
