Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He kissed a someone with a penis
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
