I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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