who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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