Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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