I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
