OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
