I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
