Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
