I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
