threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
