Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
