hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
