you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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