Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
