Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
