We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
