Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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