I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
