there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
