I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
