Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
