Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize