Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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