even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
