you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize