Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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