She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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