Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
