It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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