I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
