Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
