I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
