John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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