sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
