Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
